Have I Lost My Mojo?

There are times when I worry that I may have lost my mojo. I know I’m not alone in this sentiment, yet it can feel exceptionally lonely.

Recently my fear arose in the context of my artwork. To have something so innate - creativity - suddenly become so difficult felt both disturbing and meaningful.

How can that be? That’s an odd combination of emotions, but it’s true.

Starting with the disturbing part…

It might make sense, but it felt horribly uncomfortable to be stuck in the mess of the middle. All the colors kept mixing together to form muddy brown instead of the differentiation that makes art so beautiful. Textured ridges looked haphazard from my perspective.

Then the thought crossed my mind- maybe I need to shift my perspective?

Still, I persevered. It seemed as if every layer was worse than the one before it. I couldn’t even tell what was wrong with the painting other than to say it that I’d lost my direction. The more I tried to find the path forward by fixing what I thought were mistakes, the more I kept going in circles. That’s when I stopped.

Life can mirror this process, which is why art can be such a powerful healing modality.

There’s a great deal to learn when caught in the middle of a complex painting that is still developing the underparts, yet hasn’t reached the final layer where it all comes together in color and texture.

One must learn to sit with the discomfort, fear, self doubt and worry in order to see it through.

For example, I recall painting 10 layers of blacks and browns only to have the final layer burst forth with pearlescent white, iridescent pink and gleaming gold, a painting appropriately named “Inside the Chrysalis”.

This is why I said it was also meaningful. Art offers many lessons in self discovery and leadership for those willing to open their hearts and explore the uncomfortable parts of the painting process.

When the shame feelings arise, and they inevitably do even for those of us who are professional artists, the challenge becomes one of self awareness - can I step back and look at this from the perspective of a loving observer?

It’s in that moment I noticed my art was in a state of emergence. More importantly, I am in a state of emergence.

I haven’t lost my mojo! No, the creativity doesn’t leave us; it transforms and grows in the most fascinating ways if I’m willing to stick with it.

Which brings me to the painting I’ve attached below.

It’s small, and I created it while sitting with a few friends. They were doing their own thing, joyously painting, and I decided to try a new technique.

As I reflect on the tiny 6x9 painting, I feel that my creativity is doing just fine!

Can you relate? If so, I would love to hear more. And don’t forget to hit like and share.